Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Pappa wants mamma naked
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Fuck appropriateness.
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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