On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
