Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
