3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
