you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
