Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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