I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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