The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
