And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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