He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
