I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
