You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
