Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
