the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
