i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
They took my balls.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
