at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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