My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
