My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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