I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
