My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
