I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
