He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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