My room smells like vodka and shame
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
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dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
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Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize