I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
