this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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