my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
