It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
