i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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