We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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