capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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