Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
