it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
