um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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