The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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