dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize