Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I look better un-naked...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
