Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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