Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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