Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
