farters have to be the big spoon...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
