His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
