just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
