Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
