yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
