You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
