when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
