you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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