Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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