we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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