i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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