the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
