I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My feet surprised me
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