I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
