so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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