even my farts smell like vagina
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
