I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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