I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize