i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
