3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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