I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
