I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
