I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
