Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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