he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
